Category: News (Page 22 of 108)

Hitman’s Greatest Hits

While most of the industry is withholding news until E3, an exciting new bit of game release info has managed to break through. Eurogamer.net stumbled upon an Italian retail site, 16games, that may have accidentally broke the news that Eidos’s “Hitman HD Collection” (containing “Hitman 2: Silent Assassin”, “Hitman: Contracts”, and “Hitman: Blood Money”) is coming out October 15th. The release date makes sense considering that the fifth game in the series, “Hitman: Absolution” is set for a November 20th release.

Much like other trilogy collections for “Splinter Cell“, “Metal Gear Solid“, and “Prince of Persia” this is a hell of a deal that anyone unfamiliar with the series, or looking to relieve it, should jump on. In fact, top to bottom quality wise this may be the best of the trilogy collections so far as the Hitman series got its successful formula down pat with “Hitman 2: Silent Assassin”, and has only been improving since.

Just like how the news of Max Payne 3 got me reminiscing, so does this. Here then are some of the best missions available from the installments featured on the upcoming greatest hits collection.

St. Petersburg Stakeout

“Hitman 2” may have the best overall missions in all of the series. Many of them though are like this one and are actually half brilliant, half frustrating. For most of this mission you are sneaking through the sewers and avoiding sentries behind cars. It’s not a mission that really gives you the “kill em’ all” option if you desire. It’s the actual hit that makes it memorable though, as you have to kill a very specific target at a meeting…but you don’t know what he looks like. As your contact feeds you bits of information they have on the man, you must decide who at the meeting the real target is before it ends. The situation really puts you into the moments and leaves you walking away from the level feeling that it was a job truly well done.

Jacuzzi Job

Home invasion missions are “Hitman’s” bread and butter assignments, and this is one of the best. It’s one of the few missions without a briefing preceding it, and instead just tosses you into the fray. Scale wise the level is very small, but it offers quite a few ways to go about your business. Though it’s not the preferred method, there are few options more rewarding than simply busting through the door to the targets room and putting one in his head as he sits in his jacuzzi making you feel like a true hitter. It becomes one of the games most replayable assignments as it has no slow portions, and doesn’t punish you in any real way for however you choose to play it. Just as all the missions should be.

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People Who Didn’t Buy Diablo III Can Now Also Get Screwed

In what is simply a video game news story too bizarre not to report (in other words, sorry mom), French sex toy store Absoloo has a very special promotion going on for any ladies (in France, at least) who lost their boyfriends’ attention due to spending more time with “Diablo III” than them.

This is how it works: You simply post a photo of yourself on the company’s Facebook page holding a copy of “Diablo III,” and they send you a private message with a code that lets you get a free… let’s say it’s a special vibrating magic staff, from their website.

Here is Absoloo’s own (poorly translated) take on the offer:

Ladies and

Your man has not left his computer since the release yesterday of Diablo III?

Still a long time before you find yourself in his arms during a romantic evening …

You yearn … You feel abandoned … Abandoned …

The situation is so, you must admit, your man would rather go in search of magical jewels, gloves sorcerers, and other heavy war clubs to get XP points rather than engaging in the research of your G-spot and gain sexual experience.

So what to do?

Do not despair over! We decided to help you!

Find the force and the attention you need naturally, but with a new friend …

Some people are crying foul that this promotion is sexist against women that play “Diablo III” as the implication is that only men would play the game. To this I say, complaining about it just blinds female gamers from a free toy with purchase of video game promotion that puts all happy meal pack-ins to great blushing shame.

Personally, I think that all available gamers should take the company up on their offer and then send every one of the toys over to Blizzard so that they can go #*%! themselves for all the botches in “Diablo III’s” launch.

Blizzard Fumbles Diablo III’s Launch, and the Consequences It Could Have

Although its actual development time was considerably shorter, in the minds of most fans, “Diablo III” has been no less than 12 years in the making. That’s how long it’s been since the release of “Diablo II,” and that’s how long it’s been since gamers have been craving a true follow up. 12 years.

And after just two days of release, some gamers are already more excited about “Diablo IV.”

This is mostly due to Blizzard’s controversial decision to have gamers log-in to its servers in order to play the game. What’s irksome is that it doesn’t matter if you’re playing single player or multiplayer; you have to be online. Ideally, this allows for a range of features that should allow the gamer to be in a constantly networked world where gamers can aid each other in their quest, and friends can drop in at any time to do battle by your side, as you smote your enemies with joyful ease.

In reality though, the servers have been having nothing but trouble since launch. The battle.net network has appeared so far to be insufficiently capable of handling the mass numbers of users “Diablo III” has added without doing that annoying crashing thing and rendering the game unplayable in any form. It’s almost as if Blizzard didn’t anticipate that the sequel to one of the greatest selling and most acclaimed games of all time might actually sell a few copies itself, and that a mandatory online account coupled with that could lead to serious server problems.

Of course, the conclusion that just about everyone who isn’t a Blizzard employee has come to is that the game shouldn’t require a mandatory online account. It’s so ludicrously unnecessary, in fact, that as I was booting up the single player for the first time and it asked me to create an account, I couldn’t help but think of the Kramer line from Seinfeld. “Why does Radioshack need your phone number when you buy batteries?”

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Payneful Memories: The Best of Max Payne

To me, there’s nothing quite like the “Max Payne” series.

As a fan of action movies, there is no game that can fulfill that itch I have for some ultra violence after watching one of my favorites like “Max Payne” does. More than that, though, the series has its own style and charm that very few games across any genre can possibly hope to match. It’s made up of a million little things that all come together to make something greater than it even looked on paper.

So in honor of “Max Payne 3’s” impending release, I’d like to reflect on ten of my favorite moments, levels, aspects, and everything else from the first two “Max Payne” games.

Mod Max – The “Max Payne” series was designed to be heavily moddable, and from day one gamers have taken advantage of that. From mods that make the game even more cinematic, to giving you the option of employing “Equilibrium’s” gunkata style, and way, way, to many “Matrix” mods, there is a strong community out there devoted to maximizing the games experience.

The two that really stand out, though, are the brilliant Kung Fu mod that gives Max martial arts skills, along with some deadlier gunplay abilities, thus helping the game become even more of an homage to the kung-fu classics that inspired it, and a mod that turns the game into a brawler set in the “Street Fighter” universe. The latter is actually kind of dull and buggy, while the former is a necessity. Both though represent the incredible ability the game has to be modded, and the creative impulses this series inspires out of its fanbase.

Innocent Man’s Story – This is maybe my favorite little moment of the series. In “Max Payne 2,” you are in a police station, when you overhear a cop interrogating a suspect over a double murder. Stay and listen and you will hear the absolute worst criminal alibi of all time delivered by a man who looks and sounds suspiciously like Joe Pesci.

I really can’t do this one justice with words. You have to see it for yourself.

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My fond farewell

Press Start.

I spent entirely too much time looking for an image that would suit this post, but I settled here and I’m happy with it. The time has come for me to cast off from this site. I have really enjoyed writing here, but I’ve enjoyed our discussions even more. I’m going to keep this short. I want all of the regular readers here to know that your engagement has shaped me as a writer and critic and will continue to shape my writing into the future.

To that end, I’m not totally done. I’ll be doing some writing in the near future, though it will likely be just for me, will likely be a bit less consistent than this site, and will likely span a number of topics. If you’d like to stay in touch (and I hope you do), I have an about.me page that I will update when I’ve landed somewhere.

Until we meet in the virtual reality sim that is almost definitely our future, keep calm and game on.

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