In what is simply a video game news story too bizarre not to report (in other words, sorry mom), French sex toy store Absoloo has a very special promotion going on for any ladies (in France, at least) who lost their boyfriends’ attention due to spending more time with “Diablo III” than them.

This is how it works: You simply post a photo of yourself on the company’s Facebook page holding a copy of “Diablo III,” and they send you a private message with a code that lets you get a free… let’s say it’s a special vibrating magic staff, from their website.

Here is Absoloo’s own (poorly translated) take on the offer:

Ladies and

Your man has not left his computer since the release yesterday of Diablo III?

Still a long time before you find yourself in his arms during a romantic evening …

You yearn … You feel abandoned … Abandoned …

The situation is so, you must admit, your man would rather go in search of magical jewels, gloves sorcerers, and other heavy war clubs to get XP points rather than engaging in the research of your G-spot and gain sexual experience.

So what to do?

Do not despair over! We decided to help you!

Find the force and the attention you need naturally, but with a new friend …

Some people are crying foul that this promotion is sexist against women that play “Diablo III” as the implication is that only men would play the game. To this I say, complaining about it just blinds female gamers from a free toy with purchase of video game promotion that puts all happy meal pack-ins to great blushing shame.

Personally, I think that all available gamers should take the company up on their offer and then send every one of the toys over to Blizzard so that they can go #*%! themselves for all the botches in “Diablo III’s” launch.

Although its actual development time was considerably shorter, in the minds of most fans, “Diablo III” has been no less than 12 years in the making. That’s how long it’s been since the release of “Diablo II,” and that’s how long it’s been since gamers have been craving a true follow up. 12 years.

And after just two days of release, some gamers are already more excited about “Diablo IV.”

This is mostly due to Blizzard’s controversial decision to have gamers log-in to its servers in order to play the game. What’s irksome is that it doesn’t matter if you’re playing single player or multiplayer; you have to be online. Ideally, this allows for a range of features that should allow the gamer to be in a constantly networked world where gamers can aid each other in their quest, and friends can drop in at any time to do battle by your side, as you smote your enemies with joyful ease.

In reality though, the servers have been having nothing but trouble since launch. The battle.net network has appeared so far to be insufficiently capable of handling the mass numbers of users “Diablo III” has added without doing that annoying crashing thing and rendering the game unplayable in any form. It’s almost as if Blizzard didn’t anticipate that the sequel to one of the greatest selling and most acclaimed games of all time might actually sell a few copies itself, and that a mandatory online account coupled with that could lead to serious server problems.

Of course, the conclusion that just about everyone who isn’t a Blizzard employee has come to is that the game shouldn’t require a mandatory online account. It’s so ludicrously unnecessary, in fact, that as I was booting up the single player for the first time and it asked me to create an account, I couldn’t help but think of the Kramer line from Seinfeld. “Why does Radioshack need your phone number when you buy batteries?”

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Oh earnings conference calls, how I love you. You are the one place I can reliably get straightforward, no-bullshit answers about release dates and the success or failure of specific franchises. Blizzard had just such a call this afternoon, which means we finally know something about the release date for Diablo 3. We don’t have a date, but the game is slated for Q2, which is something.

I was really hoping to see the game by this past November, so Q2 feels like a long way off. Blizzard did just give 100,000 more beta invites out, which means more people will have a chance to play through the highly polished first parts of Act I. I was impressed with the beta and really enjoyed myself, but it’s just so damn short.

Some of the other interesting news from the earnings call was that Blizzard will be launching multiple titles in 2012. The safe bet is that they’re talking about Heart of the Swarm, the next Starcraft II xpac, but the hopeful guess is that they’ll launch Blizzard DotA within the year. I’m honestly experiencing a bit of MOBA fatigue, but more options and competition in the industry should mean better games overall, so I’m excited for it. I’m also curious what Blizzard plans to make of this “Blizzard Arcade” business. Trying to pack in a few titles for the casual gaming crowd? I’m sure I could be convinced to spend a couple bucks here and there on Blizzard titles.

The fall release schedule has been pretty underwhelming so far. Most of the big titles have had their release date pushed back, though we will see Battlefield 3 tomorrow. Personally, I’m not much of an FPS fan these days, so I’m holding out for the RPG/ARTS games that are yet to come.

For now, Diablo 3 is my number one pick. I played the hell out of Diablo 2 back in high school and college and I’ve actually picked it back up to get in the mood for the next addition to the franchise. I’m surprised how much enjoyment I can still get out of a game that is nothing more than a gear grind. There’s still something fun about it, despite it’s gross imbalances, too. Why can Hammerdins kill everything in the game with such ease, even with a relatively easy-to-find kit? Why are high runes such a crapshoot? Why do immunities even exist in this kind of grinder?

I’m going to avoid answering those questions and instead offer some advice. If you’re thinking about going back and playing through Diablo 1 and 2, I’d highly recommend checking out the Reddit server, at least for your multiplayer Diablo 2 experiences. I played some Battle.net not too long ago and immediately ran up against the game’s big problems – bots and duping. High-level items are so common it’s silly. With Reddit’s private server, though, the economy is pretty balanced and, more importantly, the players are friendly. It’s been nice to go back through some of my favorite classes and specs, finding help along the way from generous players.

You can find out more about the Diablo 2 Reddit server at the server’s subreddit. I’m playing there under the account “thewuggler” if you happen to join.

Out of this fall’s games, what are you most looking forward to?